Hey

I'm feeling fuck helpless and pissed at myself right now
Report re-do for intro and I stuck liao. Don't know how to continue. It's like the content is in my brain but I dontknow how to phrase it in sentences

Side note have to do legends for figures as well
I can't even freaking read the untidy handwriting
And it's making me so so so angry cos I want to complete this shit by end of today
Which I think it's impossible now already. Fucking pissed. 

Fucking hate being reminded
Fucking hate to rely
Fucking hate always having this feeling of inferiority
Fucking hate the efforts I put in is always regarded as nothing
Fucking hate feeling helpless
Fucking stressed
Fucking pissed at myself

Hey all

Well, approach to school had been better, waking up earlier and making an effort to be on time:) 
Getting my first A(s) for daily grades, trying to participate more in class discussion. 

Sometimes I wonder
Why for I work and study so hard
Honestly I'm pushing myself to the limit. Any free time/ time to relax I will occupy myself with studies. Revise revise revise. FYP report report report. Edit here edit there.
Cos I am forever unhappy with myself and my work. It's forever not perfect in my eyes.
I'm a fucking nerd. A fucking nerd that works fucking hard but the results like KNS. Sigh. 

I've been slacking.
My report first layout is redundant. Not that I cannot accept that, I can, but it was kind of disappointing cos I burned my weekends to chiong 2K worth of information. 
Not that the content cannot be re-used but I have to format them in a way to be more precise.
And I've to get them done by this weekend (Set by myself)
I haven even fucking start on my revision. And it's week 2 of school already. I have to get it done before week 5, when the first UT starts.
So fucking stressed. 

And week 2 I'm already kinda struggling with my modules. For quite a number of it even skipped lunch breaks just to finish my ppt slides.
At this rate I'm really undergoing starvation and turning into mega bones lorh.
Sigh sigh sigh

Really fucking envy those who no need to study (so much) and yet get better grades than me. 
Really.fucking.envy

Why am I so stupid.
:(

Another fucking problem when I graduate is school fees for UNI
Really headache sia. SO much money, where to find??????

Anyone wants to accompany me to rob the bank? :(

Hey all

A short short update 

Really feeling damn down and bad about myself, my motivation towards school is almost lost. 
Thursday came to school an hour late, and got my first ever 'late and partial' grading in my whole 3 years in RP.
Fuck that shit, it's really an ugly grading cos I'd never ever partialled in the whole poly school life. 
And now for fuck there is a partial, which seemed like I did partialled. WHICH I DID NOT. FUCKSZ 

Today was almost late as well. 
Should really change and reach school at least half an hour earlier. HAVE TO LIAOZ.
And fucking have to find my motivation back. Seriously... 

Today my friend came to me and tell me to buck up, it's the last semester, and yes knowing I just came back from internship and coming back to school is like WTF, she told me to perservere on so that with this diploma and good grades, I have higher chance of finding a good job.

I am fucking touched okay. I am really gonna put this into my brain as part of my motivational drive :)

Guess one reason why I'm so slack for this week is because I am so called assure of a placing for a job already waiting for me when I graduate, with good pay. 
But still I shouldnt have this attitude right. I ought to be fucking ashamed of myself.
So over this weekend, it will serve as a good reflection for self and monday gonna be the start, the official start of chiongness:)

At the same time, just knew I got daily grade A for proteomics
I swear Im dreaming :))))
FUCKING WORK HARD LIAO. MORE A'S FOR JSIE AHH!!! ><

Gonna start drafting my report, notes for school and chiong like fuck. Really dont wnna my GPA to drop sia. 
Have to maintain and increase at least. 
Today UNI fair... haisk the scene whereby everyone is moving on to their next phase of their life.. is sad to see but at the same time sweet for all of us to graduate together :)

Work towards it jsie koh.
That choice. That uni. GEMBATEH OHH.

X,

Research or Medicine?
Research or Medicine?
Research or Medicine?
Research or Medicine?
Research or Medicine?
Research or Medicine?
Research or Medicine?
Research or Medicine?

Degree in Biomedical science or Medicine?
Degree in Biomedical science or Medicine?
Degree in Biomedical science or Medicine?
Degree in Biomedical science or Medicine?
Degree in Biomedical science or Medicine?

Not as if I can but still can try applying (right...)
Both aku sayang belly belly much.
HOW

Hey all

Ya so wednesday 10th Oct was my last day at A*STAR
It ended up really great,
Presentation went well, coffeemuffins was good, and even more appreciation was made known.
It was really a very warm feeling:)

Lab lunch at thai place.
PI (Dr Maria), Dr Jinshu, Sharrada, Dr Victor, Dr Sriram, Dr Leigh, Dr Lakshmi, Sabrina, Xiangying :)

Though in the initial weeks I really really felt inferior as compared to them and the rest of A*STAR researchers, 
They were the ones that really make me enjoy my FYP experience there.
Joking, laughing, being serious in experiments, lab meetings, lunch and dinner chats, gossipings etc. 

They even made a card for me, asking me to come back often :')
And thanks alot victor for everything, guiding me, tolerating my nonsense and mistakes and keep forgiving, never ever give up on me and even sacrificing your night to help me with the presentation. 
I had certainly learnt alot of techniques, enjoyed myself alot, learnt alot of knowledge and also made a great bunch of friends there. 

I am really very touched because I could never imagine this. 
Lab researchers enjoying my presence because of my smile, my energy and enthusiasm, PI being impressed with what I did and Victor for always being a dear and always saying he's proud of me and what not.
There may even be a chance for me to go back but I shall not have any hopes (yet) till further notice :)

Though I dare not take credits and still felt that all is thanks to victor(and largely it is), I am still deeply grateful for all the praises, recognition, positive comments and good impression you all had of me:)
Thankyou ML Lab :) 


As for today, first day of school, module Structural Biology. 
It was okay, but faci said that this module will be one of the hardest to score and there's alot of repeat students.
Oh man, abit afraid but shall take it one at a time.

Still not having the back-to-school feeling and drive or motivation, to really aim for the best. 
But I should and I must, because having a GPA of 3.2 is easy to drop and I will be very happy to just maintain it man.
No lower than 3 please :( 

Class was O-K.
And I'm still planning to stay back after school till 6pm at library everyday?
One reason is not to come back home so early... and maybe I can use that time to study. 
Bad thing is when I go off at this timing, it's peak hour at mrt. And that sucks. Needa a sit especially when I always doze off from the long journey back to yiochukang. 

Then, needa chiong FYP report also. 
Huhuhuhu not really know how to go about it cos there's changes made, will not be doing the same as what I did back in lab though it might be easier but also must think through again.
Shall plan over the weekends and get it over with :)


That's all for now,
Gonna shut myself from the world again. I can't help but feel damn depressed. 
I mean like hanging out in school though school's over, thou it's my own choice. But loneliness play a part.
Like you know who your friends are VS classmates. 

I don't mind being alone and buying lunch alone and whatnot.
But time to time will still feel depressed, thou there's always someone that I can chat with in class larh. 

It's okay it's alright.
I'm not that important after all. 
Just gonna fucking chiong studies, bury bury bury.


[Edit] : CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT stand people who come to science just because of 
- no choice 
- last resort
- dontknow what to choose
- content very gross, i regret.
FUCK YOU. 
I know it's personal but I cannot stand it. 

X,