I know this post is superrrrrrr redundant cos it's all me, thinking too much and being silly and all

But I can't take it inside me anymore, I'm exploding soon ):
I don't know who to voice out to, I've this feeling that I'm bothering closefriends always and guilt


I know you care, I know you still do
But I still think otherwise,
I feel very distant from you, I keep having this feeling that you're avoiding me
You know whenever I want to talk to you now, I backspaced so many times and have to gather so much courage
I feel so clingy towards you, but I dontwant to drift 
And when you showed you care
I felt so happy, I cried, I know I'm so silly and stupid


I feel so lonely in school
Not that there's no friends, I just feel... distant with everybody else
I feel that I'm being used,
You know, approached only when needed
Cannot find any close to clique to, school only for the sake of study purposes
I rather be alone then sticking with those who only close to me when they need a favour from me, suckers




Maybe it's just me being distant from everybody else
Bury in books

Hey 

Time spent being alone makes my mind wanders alot
Why do people work and earn money?
Why do people live? 
What's the purpose of living? 
What's the purpose of engaging themselves in this continuous cycle of work, earn money, spend?
Why do people constantly want to upgrade themselves?
Can I understand other strangers' lives also? Can they tell me?
What are you living through? What are your difficulties?
Why can't people be considerate, responsible, less selfish?

To survive, to be happy with their loved ones, to improve the world economy, to LIVE

I've always wondered,
What if I MIA from this world? 
Will anybody care? Where should I hide? Can I take a long break?
Why do I want to study so hard? What is life about?
What will I be in the future? 

Alone + Money = Anyhow spend + Happiness + Broke 

Millions of why(s) and questions 
Feels like finding a job to keep myself busy busy busy 
Which eventually I wont cos my laziness overwhelmed me


So, I will be drifting around like a zombie (: 

I don't even recognise myself in the mirror anymore.
Can you see? 



When we stop contacting each other as before
When we both led our own lives
When it's only me bothering and disturbing you to meetup/ start conversation
And fucking affected by the replies/ no replies at all 

You had already learnt how to move on and live without me without you knowing

Or maybe you knew it all along 

So maybe, now it's my turn to learn 
Stop me 

:( 


Why do I always think of you when I doubt I ever crossed your mind? 
When it always occur and wet pillows, is it still considered as foolish and sensitive thinking?  


Are you happier now? 

Hello guys

I don't enjoy school much now, modules are tacky & hard and long hours make me tired and sleepy whenever I reach home
I'm at problem two revision for all modules now, gonna catch up and speed up cos UT's on 14th nov

Yesterday was abit fail clubbing night
I forgot & didnt expect a need to show nric, hence only bring studentpass
Si bouncer so inflexible just cos it's eve of pH
Must go back all the way to take the card, and taxi back costing up to $20+
Free entry for ladies thou, I felt dizzy after only a few rounds of drinks and vomitted yesterday night
Damn fuck lo, first ever time feeling super uncomfortable cos this time I vomitted so hard I can hardly breathe
Fuck my life ):

Maybe it's also due to before I drank one bottle on my own, cos I was feeling damn down and wanted to cry everything out to make myself better ):

We didn't proceed to powerhouse but home instead
:(
At least now we didnt need to go back stjames cos we cleared the martell bottle
Maybe next time to butter, heard it's more fun there!

Anyway damn fuck these few days wearing shorts plus tanks/shirts with pattern holes kind of attract stupid uncles & bangalas
Damn fuck they keep staring and staring though I look at them already
Fuck la hope your eyes rot okay pcb.

I know most will say if don't want them to see don't wear la
But if you want see dont need make it so obvious with those lecherous eyes right fucking pervert
Assholes _|_



I'm such a sensitive bitch, indecisive and full of regrets.
Bye for now,

[edited version] 

I don't know what to do!!!
Monash university
GPA criteria : 3 and above (I'm eligible as long as I maintain) 
Course duration : 1 year
Australia based, may have hard time to adapt + lots of money 
Advantage : Course-attached programme with current biomedsci

OR

NTU 
GPA criteria : 3.5 and above (even if I get good GPA for remaining sem the most I can reach is 3.4..) 
Course duration : 2-3 years (even with exemptions)
Local, lots of money needed as well

OR

Lee Kong Chian School of Medicine
Local, build by 2013, GPA criteria not known
However only accept 50 students, 150 per year
And there's so many smart asses around....

Hais
If I go for monash
I need to do 2 FYP for year 3 
Is FYP hard??? 
If I go for NTU
Super slim chance, interview may not pass through in the end if I go overseas study again, I need take longer time VS course attached programme...
Need to decide on this at end of sem2.. 

So fucking stress and worry-wart... 
Bro say both are recognised in Singapore.. 
Sis say local uni better... 

SAVE ME SOBS I DONTKNOW WHICH THE FUCKING HELL SHOULD I CHOOSE.....

Should I study medicine? 
Or other life sciences degrees?????/
Medicine with degree alone is just basic, nothing...
Can I proceed on with higher certifications? 
Why am I so stupid....

Sigh.....

I made a decision which I had pondered on for quite some time

As usual, I thought I would be happy but I'm not
I hurted him so much, I felt so guilty
I teared otw home in bus and ytd night, memories flowing back but I know since this is my decision
Who am I to shed tears?
Who am I to feel unhappy? 
Who am I to say cheerup to him when Im the one causing all the misery? 

I miss his presence, his hugs
But still it's all over and I will not think about it anymore after today
I swear, even if Im gonna be unhappy this is all my choice
Time for mask (: 

I know, I hate myself for being a bitch 
Thanks and sorry once again D. 

Hello all 

Well so yesterday was first time clubbing!
At st james powerhouse with goujun, jennifer and tongsheng

Basically it was superrrrrr squeezy, I swear I can feel everybody's butt with mine as well =.=
But the atmosphere was high so it was fun (: 
Seriously I don't mind going there every fri/sat, just hope that friends are free as well! 
Ladies are granted free entry anyway hehehehe 


So on a side note, today's 17th oct and it's mama birthday...
Happy birthday mummy 
Can I still say this ? ): 
<3 <3 <3

Time to sleep now...
Neurobiology tomorrow 

Loves, 

Hi I hate myself

Hello 

New class
Fun in a way having more than 5 classmates I've known 
But mega stressed, classmates were super competitive, fast paced and speak very fast as well
My class have around 4 GPA 4 students, waaaa max envy :/

I do understand the concept,
The problem at the end of the day
But I'm going faster than my own pace at well, I can't take short daze or slack because I will lag behind if I do, I believe. 
Mega need to catch up and revise as soon as 6P is released 
Sigh, so stressed.... 

Not feeling happy in this environment
Super tired after each school days and even lunch break I'm still troubled with my powerpoint slides as well 
For the second time, the thought of [Why science track?] runs through my mind again. 
But I know, I chose this myself. *
I have interest, I must work hard 


All the way. 
Sigh :( 

MAX STRESSED